Saturday, August 01, 2015
The body remembered it all when I let the rain conquer me again --- after a little over two decades. Surreal. It is not the same rain. Sigurado yan, salamat sa polusyon e naghihingalo na si Mother Earth. It is not the same body. Sigurado rin yan, salamat sa aging process at wrong choices. Nothing stays the same, oo naman. But the amount of bliss was the same. Pure bliss. Me and the rain. The spirit is happy but the body needs some passionate scrubbing and disinfecting now. Kailangan ko na maligo. Babushka for now. My dear readers, all five of you... ligo rin kayo sa ulan next time!
"Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten"
Read more: Natasha Bedingfield - Feel The Rain Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Ito ay usapang hindi sinasadyang narinig ng aking bunsong kapatid na si Mabbielog. May nakitawag sa telepono sa aming tindahan. Ang sabi...
"Samahan mo naman ako magpatingin. Hindi pa ako nagkakaron. Nag-donate ako ng dugo nung isang linggo. Tapos kanina nag-pregnancy test ako, positive."
O alam niyo na? Nakakabuntis daw ang ang pagdo-donate ng dugo. Tandaan ang gintong aral na ito.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Kung hindi ako marunong matakot:
1. Papasok ako sa trabaho na naka-tsinelas, t-shirt na butas at maong na kupas.
2. Kapag wala ako sa mood ay hindi rin ako magsusuklay at hindi magsusuot ng bra.
3. Uutang ako nang malaki sa bangko para makabili ng sariling franchise ng Jollibee at 711. Para hindi na namin kailangang magtrabaho at makatutok sa pag-aalaga ng mga anak.
4. Maga-artista ako sa teatro at saka susulat nang susulat.
5. Idedemanda ko ang INC. In perpetual violation of my right to love. Sabeh!?!
6. Mag-aaral ako magmaneho.
7. Sa probinsiya kami titira.
8. Magpapa-laser ako ng mata para makita niyong lahat na may tinatago akong ganda. Hindi niyo lang alam.
9. Hindi na ako kakain ng kanin, balat ng manok, malutong na balat ng baboy at taba ng lahat ng hayop na masarap sa sinigang. Habambuhay.
10. Maglulustay ako ng salapi sa yoga at swimming classes.
11. Magpapaka-sweet ako sa mga mahal ko araw-araw. Araw-araw.
12. Magtatayo ako ng tindahan na may karinderya sa tabi. Ako ang cook, ako ang tindera, ako ang tagahugas ng pinggan habang nag-aalaga ng mga anak.
13. Mamamasada ako ng sasakyan para sa Grab at Uber. Pero EOP sa kotse ko para di ko makalimutan mag-English. Mainam na self defense ang english. Use wisely.
14. Mamahalin ko ang asawa ko na walang hinihintay na kapalit. Ang hirap nun sa totoo lang.
15. Hindi ko sasagutin ang tanong na ito dahil wala akong maisasagot. Pilosopo is the new black.
Isang paragraph lang ito sa libro ng aking mga kinatatakutan. FYI. Nakikiuso lang.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
See, even Covey says consider your NEED in your quest to find your voice. Read more about this in "The 8th Habit - From Effectiveness to Greatness."
Image is from here
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
If your husband ever asks you to come see an Aerosmith concert with him, keep him company even if you only know two of their songs. If he gets into a trance state while watching his idols from his teenage years, it is not the time to hurt and wonder why and how he did not hold your hand the entire time. Because, it is all worth it. IT IS GOING TO BE WORTH IT. He will remember that you were a good girl when Madonna comes to town. And when you give up and accept that it's ok not to watch because the tickets are too expensive, he will remind you how you said that it will not matter if you have to sit on the floor for it is enough to share an enclosed space with your Goddess (sniffing molecular greatness) for a couple of hours. And he will buy the tickets. And he will watch it with you and your friends.
Oh and he will even remind you to do this, just to be sure that you are ready for the big day. I love him. I just love him. It gets "deeper and deeper, my love."
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Dati, ito ang gusto ko. Pagkagaling sa pag-expire e diretso na sa cremation. Walang burol na magaganap. Pero tama si Sir ko. Ang burol ay hindi para sa namatay kundi para sa mga naiwan. Kaya gorah ako sa burol at sa ilang mga bagay na lovingly dedicated para kay Potling at Sopling at sa aking One Great Love. Itong listahan na ito ay para lang kung mamamatay ako anytime between 2015 to 2021. Maximum age at death ay 40. Ia-update ko na lang kung lumagpas pa ako sa 40 at kung uso pa ang blog by that time.
1. Ayoko nung nakaburol na naka-dress. Gusto ko maong at peasant blouse na purple pero may manggas (don't expose my flabby arms please). Gusto ko rin naka-Chucks ako saka nakasuot pa rin ng aking salamin. Sorry naman sa kung sinumang maghahanap pa ng aking outfit.
2. Gusto ko sanang sa bahay iburol pero wala pa akong naririnig na burol sa condo unit. Ligwak. Hindi rin puwede sa bahay namin sa Tatalon kasi kawawa naman ang bahay namin dun. Ayoko na masyado mapagod ang aking family sa kakaligpit ng kalat at pagasikaso sa mga bisita. Gusto ko sana sa Sto. Domingo Church o kaya sa St. Andrew kaso hindi naman ako active member kaya ok na sa punerarya capital somewhere in Araneta Ave. Sana maasikaso namin ang St. Peter funeral plan para wala ng hassle. Pero kung walang plan, oks na ako sa Arlington.
3. Ayokong maging tinapa kaya sana sandali lang ang burol, mga 3 nights. Pero bet ko ang libing ng weekend kasi mga empleyado ang mga kaibigan ko. Hindi sila makakapunta sa libing kung may pasok.
4. Pero hindi ako ililibing ha? Susunugin ako. Tapos ang abo ay ikakalat sa dagat. Kung may pera si Sir nun, baka pwede humiling na maglagay ng abo ko sa maliit na locket at tig-iisa sila nila Pot at Sop. Hindi naman sila required na isuot ang locket. Kung bet lang nila. Huwag akong iimbak sa urn please. I am hyperventilating just thinking about it. At nakakatakot ang risk na mapagkamalang paminta at ibudbod ako sa sotanghon o sopas.
5. Ito na ang madramang wish. Sana gabi-gabi kada may misa (yes bet ko yun) ay may eulogies. Paki-video para sa mga anak ko. Pakisabihan ang kahit sinong gusto magsalita na ang tema ay kinakausap niya sila Pot at Sop. Para sa kanila ang mga kuwento. How did we meet? What is your fondest memory of me? Mga ganyan... pero lahat ay para sa mga anak ko para makilala naman nila ang kanilang nanay kahit wala na.
6. Siyempre may mga mahiyain akong kaibigan kaya kung ayaw sa video, sulat na lang. Icocompile ni Sir para sa mga bata balang araw. Pakisabing kung hindi sila magsubmit e ako mismo ang magkukulekta. Ahoooo.
7. Music. Importante. I want a playlist. Laging may ambient music sa background the entire time ng burol at cremation pero di yung mga pang Marco Sison. Yung mga paborito kong kanta lang. Madonna, ABBA, Air Supply, ASIN, APO, Side A, The Company, Alanis, siyempre saka mga oldies but goodies. Alam na ni ito lahat ni Sir at ng bekla frends.
8. Utang na loob, don't post any dead photos of me in social media. Not even my casket (rent lang k kasi cremation naman e).
9. Food and refreshments will not be served during the wake. I want my family to be able to focus on my passing (superstar? Haha!), not the groceries. Pakiunawa na lang po.
10. Puwede mag-request na Jesuit priests lang ang mag-misa? I just love and trust them so much. Pero kung wala ok lang.
O ayan, malinis na ang listahan. Again, ayoko pa mamatay habang hindi pa stable ang buhay ng mga anak ko. It will not hurt to pray for a longer life for me and my hubby (tenkyu!). Ang dream namin mula pa noong 2001 ay sabay kami. That's the ULTIMATE dream.
Monday, July 27, 2015
I didn't smoke until my first promotion at work. I was a call center agent in 2001 and back then, I only did five things during my breaks:
1. Eat - there were no rules against eating in one's work station. It was ok and I loved it. Some filthy inconsiderate people just ruined this piece of heaven for people like me. People left leftover food on their desks, spilled food and drinks on their keyboards, etc. So that ended pretty bad. Hate you slobs. Forever.
2. Work - while eating or not eating, I'd check pending cases, emails and online resources on how to be great at my job.
3. Having fun with my big ass set of crayons and coloring books (not the grown up ones, I'm referring to hardcore coloring books from the kids' section of National Book Store)
5. Sending love notes and emails to the boyfriend (now the hubby)
Then I got promoted to the SME (Subject Matter Expert) role. This job had one major responsibility - walk the floor to help out agents and take escalated calls. Briefly explained - international callers have a very different customer service orientation from the typical Filipino. If they don't get what they want, they will push and scream and ask for a supervisor to push some more. That's where the SMEs are needed.
It was 2002 and call center management principles and frameworks are at their infancy stages in the Philippines. There was no trunkline to line supervisors. Like I said, we were walking the floor. This also means that while I'm quietly taking my breaks on my station, agents will still approach me to ask questions or escalate calls. Saying no was very difficult and heartbreaking because ---
1. I had my own share of SMEs-from-hell experiences. This dark kind of employees acted like God's gift to humankind and made agents feel sorry for having to ask for help. When I applied for the post, my vision was to change this perception. I wanted to serve and protect. Haha!
2. I still had dreams of moving up the ladder. I wanted to build the best reputation in town. There were nasty rumors about SMEs avoiding tasks. I did not want any tinge of this bad rep on me. And when you're on your desk, on your break, it was just so difficult to explain that you are on break.
3. I did not have the heart to say no to people who were on the verge of tears (actually some were already all cried out by the time they got to me and some waited behind me until I finished my 15-minute break!). Being an agent with a screaming customer on the other line is not easy.
Eventually, I just decided to leave my desk during breaks. But where do I go? I don't like being in the pantry. So I decided to go outdoors, at the ground floor, where the cool smoking people had all the peace, quiet and fun that I could never have in the agony bay. I got curious one time and puffed a few. And the rest is history.
It has been 13 years since the first puff. And it is getting more and more difficult to break the bad habits. I have had several promotions after the first but the routines stayed with me all these years. I start my days and nights at work with happy sticks and coffee. I took my breaks with these addictive companions. They were with me during the darkest and happiest hours of my young adult/adult years.
I blame no one for the addiction. I still believe that every act is a matter of choice. There is no such thing as being pushed to do something against your will. But it is also true that certain environments and motivations are catalysts for building good and bad habits. I just need to find the perfect and real blend of "that" which will make me good. And the will to put 13 years of hazy zen behind.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
JT's Manukan is our best delivery experience to date. Madalas kaming mabiktima ng mga "nakalimutan" experience. Walang ketchup, walang resibo, walang kuwenta. Pero winner pa rin yung isang kaibigan na nag-order ng Jollibee spaghetti na nung pagdating sa bahay ay walang sauce.
Kaya lahat ay binibilin naming maigi. At para kaming tumama sa lotto noong dumating ito. Sabi nga ng magiliw na crew sa asawa ko, pang-isang buwang kalamansi at toyo ang ibibigay ko sa iyo sir!
P.S. Willing na akong kalimutan na nalimutan nilang alisin ang sibuyas sa aking itlog na pula na may kamatis kahit ibinilin din iyon. Hindi na ako masyadong choosy.