Nuffnang

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Minsan ang pag-ibig parang Grab Taxi

 Ang Grab Taxi ay parang pag-ibig na mailap. Handa mong gastusan kapag gipit na gipit ka na at nagmamadali.



Pero marami kayong naghahanap. Aasa ka. Akala mo lang meron. Pero wala. Wala.



Try again. Uulit ka nang uulit. Minsan may darating pero maaagaw pa sa iyo. Kapit lang. Basta handa kang magbayad, iyan ay darating. Haha. Choke only. Pero sometimes, true story. Sad 'no?

More power sa mga naghahanap at naghihintay ng wagas at tunay na pag-ibig.


I think... Mild Stroke.

Abot-abot ang bokot ko kagabi. Akala ko matetegi na ang lola niyo. Nakahiga na ako nun at matutulog. Bigla na lang naramdaman ko nangangapal ang ulo ko. Hindi mukha, nangyayari din yung kumakapal ang mukha ko pero ako ang may gawa nun. Ito, yung tuktok ko at buong ulo ang parang lumalaki at namamanhid. Tapos yung mata ko kusang sumara. Hindi ko maidilat. Yung talukap ng mata ko at noo ay may erection. Naninigas. Kinapa ko sa dilim si Sir at ginising. Sabi ko, paki-bp ako plist? Ayun 140/100. With honors.

Nakatulugan ko ang takot at dasal.

I really should start taking care of myself. Ito yung level na makikipag-away dapat ako para sa tulog at pahinga. Mahirap talaga ang tumatanda. Gusto pa ng kaluluwa ko na maging superstar pero yung katawan ko parang handa nang maupo sa rocking chair, maggantsilyo at maggising ng 4AM para mag-walis ng bakuran at mag-siga ng mga tuyong dahon habang nakikinig sa AM radio (dapat AM/PM radio kasi diba meron ding AM radio sa gabi?).

Madalas din ay napapansin kong sumasakit ang dibdib ko sa tuwing ako ay magagalit. Tangina naman kasi itong sila... ayan... ayan... nagagalit na naman ako.

Ayoko pa mamatay, k? Lez see how this goes.


Friday, July 24, 2015

We're just trying to go home to see the kids

But the universe does not seem to give a flying fuck about our simple wish. Parent hats should have been on at 430PM today. But did the world care? No. It had better, bigger, uncompromising plans (it thinks so). I am not the world. We are not the world. Our world is two hours away from home, two kids who look like their dad and whose smiles and shrieks make me want to hope for hope. I cannot hold them tonight. Why must we always wait? Why must they always wait.

Business as usual. Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.


Now Showing: Cain & Abel (Not An Indie Film by INC)


Big Daddy EraƱo Manalo left the earth as a very rich and influential man in 2009. He left his widow and six children with plenty of things to fight over while a lengthy and complex chain of a deliriously faithful cult tags along. Angel and Eduardo decides to make a memorable prelude to the 101st anniversary of the church built by Grand Daddy Felix. I am watching this closely. I want to see how it ends.

Want to bet on any one of these possible endings?

1. A Mass Exodus.
Members lose faith and trust in their church and the intricate layers of their holy people. They become disoriented for maybe a decade or so then they start joining other religions. Not a likely ending because no business ever closes just like that. What happens to all the wealth amassed by INC all these years? Do they get dividends or interest at all? Not my problem really. But for me, this means my children will finally have two sets of grandparents.They only have one now as the other set are faithful members of the church and have refused to acknowledge their existence. Just saying.

2. A Great Divide.
Just like this. INC lives on but as two warring teenagers. I wonder what permutations are bound to come out of this ending.

3. Joke's on us.
This is all a show. On the day of their anniversary, the factions join hands in prayer and speak of the glory of their God who did not let them down during the organization's most trying times (a few days, nobody died).

4. Revelation Day - Set A.
On their 101st anniversary, the second coming happens. The members of the church are saved and we, outsiders, are doomed foreverrrrr! Their temples' towers are spaceships after all and they merrily launch into outer space while we all drown in an ocean of magma while being raped by Satan.

5. Revelation Day - Set B.
Same with A but we are saved and they are not. Them and all religions who claim exclusive rights to salvation.

I can't wait. Do I get a prize for my fearless forecast?

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Hate Crime In Makati (yes, in 2015)

 Makati City. Three men attacked a friend at 2:45 AM today. They put a sack around his head and torso, tied his hands from behind his back, started punching, kicking, stepping on him and hitting him repeatedly with what seemed to be a metal pipe or plank of wood. While they were doing this, they were yelling at him to repent for being gay. They said that he will go to hell. My friend suffered from severe injuries and would have probably been killed if barangay tanods (local government unit patrol officers) did not chance upon the scene.

Hate crimes. You know they still happen but you can never be prepared when they come very close to home. I am still in shock.

Please forward to anyone you know and care about, especially if they work or simply pass by the streets of Makati. You and I know that the supposed authorities in this city are authoritative but cannot be counted on to serve and protect all the time.

P.S. I'm no longer in Facebook so I just got these screenshots from friends. I did not include the name of the person along with photos of his severely injured face. If you're from a news agency or an NGO and you'd like to write about this, please send me a message and I'll ask if he's willing to share his story with your organization. Thank you.






Monday, July 20, 2015

Hypo Hippo Ako

May nagpadala sa akin via email ng MP3 file na ito noong unang panahon. Bilang may masters at PhD ako sa Meanings 101 majoring in BK (Bigay Kahulugan) ay medyo binigyan ko pa nga ng malisya. Naisip ko siguro iniibig niya ako. Pero noon lang iyon, ngayon alam ko na na awang awa lang siguro sa akin si Kuya.

I was recently diagnosed of hyperthyroidism. Lost 38 lbs in 5 months. Akala ko e dahil lang iyon sa marubdob na diyeta. Wrong. Hindi pala ako naka-jackpot. May sakit lang ako. Matapos ang ilang buwang pag-inom ng gamot, gumagaling na ako. Pero gaya ng inaasahan, tumawid ako sa kabilang side. Sa valley of tears ng hypothyroidism. Ibig sabihin naman nito ay kahit papel na lang ang kainin ko, tataba ako nang tataba. In fact, 10 lbs na ulit ang nadagdag sa akin sa loob ng isang buwan.

Mas maraming totoong problema at lehitimong alalahanin pero itong nakaambang pagbilog ay tunay na mabigat dalhin. Ayoko na maging mataba pero parang wala akong magagawa. Atungal baka.

LAKAMBINI BOTTOM
Datu's Tribe

Pagbaba pa lang ng kombi tinitigan ko na
Tibok ng puso ko niyayanig ng lakad nya
Forty-six ang waist, fifty-eight ang bra
Three hundred fifty pounds na gumigiling sa kalsada

Tuwing sya'y ngumingiti hirap ang facial muscles nya
Kahit di ko nakikita love na love ko cheek bones nya
Tuwing syang nagdadabog, limilindol sa barangay
Pag sya'y tumatawa bilbil nya'y kumakaway

Binibining sexy (4x)

Eh ano ngayon kung mataba sya
Mas masarap daw magmahal ang babaeng lumba lumba
Eh ano ngayon kung mabigat sya
Imbis na tawaging baboy, porkchop, lechon baka, balyena
Since there's more of her, there's more to love (more to love)

Binibining sexy (type kita)
Binibining sexy (kahit matabang matabang mataba ka)
Binibining sexy (love kita)
Binibining sexy

Legs nya'y malatroso ang dating
Pamatay ng dalag pwedeng paddle sa hazing
Salawal nya'y pwedeng trapal pag may libing
Ano mang ang sabihin ng friends ko sa friendster
Sa skwela, sa bahay, pati na sa barangay
Wala na bang karapatang mainlove ang ubod ng taba (alright)

Binibining sexy (you may be fat)
Binibining sexy (but I love you like that)
Binibining sexy (don't say you look like a pig)
Binibining sexy (but I like my women really big)

Matabamatabamataba...

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Ang Tunay na Pabebe Girls

#1 of #1001NannyChallenges

Ay nasa bahay namin. Sila ang nag-aalaga sa mga anak namin pag meron silang time (yes, nakakahiya sa kanila). Hired from the province ang magkabarkadang ito, referral sa nanay ko ng isang kakilala. Simula pa lang ay masakit na sila sa ulo pero bilang napakahirap humanap ng yaya, pinagtitiyagaan silang ilagay sa ayos ng aming pamilya. Ito ang mga nakakaloka nilang asal to date:

1. Sabay silang maligo. Noong una e inuunawa pa ito ng nanay ko. Baka raw kasi ganun sila sa probinsiya. Pero sa katagalan, kinailangang siguraduhin na magkahiwalay sila. Dahil napakatagaaaal nilang maligo. Naglalaba pa sila ng damit pagkatapos. Wala silang kebs sa oras ng ligo, basta ibibigay nila sa kahit kanino ang mga bata para magkasabay sila.
2. Sabay silang kumain at inaabot din ito ng lampas isang oras. Ginawan na rin namin ng paraan para di sila sabay. May sari-sarili silang schedule.
3. Bigla na lang silang nawawala sa bahay at kung saan-saan nagsusuot. Wala itong paalam kahit isang kalabit. Parang pag-ibig na biglang naglaho. Nawitness namin ito ng personal ngayong weekend.
4. Nung minsan ay masakit daw ang ipin nung isa. So agad pinainom ng gamot at pinagpahinga ng nanay ko. Maya mayang konti ay nawala si ate. Pagbalik ay may dalang pangkulay ng buhok. At nagkulay din agad.
5. Itong si #4 din ang sinabihan ng kapatid ko minsan na hilamusan na si TLO. Tinalikuran niya ang kapatid ko at umakyat sa kuwarto para gumawa ng... wala.
6. Ang isa ay nahuli kong hinugasan si TLO pagkatapos umuu ng baby boy namin. Walang sabon. Tinuwalyahan. Tapos. Sabi ko bakit hindi mo sinabunan? Kasi raw nasa labas ang sabon kaya tubig na lang.
7. Galing ang dalawang ito sa mahirap na pamilya sa isang liblib na lugar. Nang tanungin namin kung ano ang ibibili naming sanitary napkin para sa kanila, kinabog nila ang sagot ng lahat ng yaya namin over the past 4 years (ex. Charmee at Those Days). Whisper daw, with wings! Ok. Sige pagbigyan. Binilhan namin ng Palmolive Shampoo. Next time daw Sunsilk kasi binabalakubak sila sa Palmolive. At nung unang linggo sa amin, nagpapabili ng Ponds facial wash at Kojit San (yung pampaputi). Ayan mga ate ay hindi basic so hindi na namin pinatulan. Safeguard ang sabon naming lahat. Safeguard!
8. May mga kuto sila. Napapanood pa ng mga kapatid ko na kada pitas ay may masaganang ani mula sa kanilang colored hairs. Wala silang suklay nang dumating so ngayon ay may kuto ang mga tao sa bahay ng magulang ko (sigurado si TLO rin). Sinabihan sila na mag-Lice Aliz para di na makahawa. Ang sagot ng isa... "pano naman nangyari iyon?" Lord, have mercy.
9. Nasa amin sila nitong Huwebes hanggang ngayon. Pagkatapos nilang maligo ay parang parlor ang sahig. Panay buhok. At lubluban ng kalabaw. Maputik. Ang kinuskos kong sahig ay salaulang salaula at tuloy lang ang kanilang masayang buhay.
10. Noong Biyernes, nag-swimming sila sa pool area kasama ang 9-year old naming pamangkin. Iniwan nilang mag-isa para mag food trip daw (bumili ng tsitsirya).

Mahaba pa ang tatakbuhin ng mga kuwento ng pa-baby girls. Gusto na namin silang pauwiin pero umaasa pa yata kami sa himala.