First Family Day

I have simple dreams, about work. One of them being --- attending Family day with a husband and a kid. Started dreaming since 2004. Finally happened last month, 05/05/12. See, dreams come true!

Here's TLO having fun with a balloon. She didn't care about any of the activities, prizes, food...  love the simple needs of our little girl.

And on to something I didn't want to have to write

The first man to have ever told me that he'll raise a kid with me, even if it's not his, is sick.

The first man to have ever helped me move out of my parents' house, is ill.

My days with this man are numbered. I don't want to imagine how life will be like when he's gone.

8 months? 8 years? 8 decades?

For the first time, I hate deadlines and timelines.

Hey you. No dying until the day I told you about.

Pauper, I Am

I realized how pathetic I am when I started salivating over a freakin tablet last year. I wanted it, and still want it, so bad but I don't have any money. We have funds, conjugal funds, but I don't have any personal funds at my disposal. It's too bad I entered a marriage without any money under my name.

Why? Because I all that I ever earned was spent on causes I used to feel strongly about. I wanted to send my sisters to school. I wanted a better life for my parents and siblings. I did not succeed in any of these life projects. But I can't stop caring too. One of these days/months/years... I will be called to serve again. And I have no other choice but to provide.

Boo-hoo!

Anyways, I seriously need to start saving. I have a few hundreds saved from walking. Yes, I save P60/day when I walk to/from the office. When I quit smoking, that's going to add up to the savings too. Hubby's right. He is always right when it comes to personal financial management.

Given a situation where I don't spend on anything, something that will never happen, I'll be able to save 60K per year. Not bad. But like I said, this will never happen. But beggars can't be choosy. So might as well try.

I'm writing this post to remind me how I was shaken by the sad realization that despite everything that I know about women empowerment, I failed miserably at financial independence. Terrible, terrible, feeling.

Afraid

Had another attack last night. Chest pains, difficulty breathing. I have no one to blame but me... all the years of smoking, working 16+ hours every day, working nights, not eating right, no exercise, all the nasty things one can do to her hot body.

I'm supposed get my lab results for ECG and breathing two weeks ago... I'm supposed to have started medication for fatty heart two weeks ago... I'm supposed to be good to my body. But my only motivation is to lose weight to wear all the pretty things that are currently not available in my size.

Well, I need to always remind myself that dead women tell no fabulous tales.

I need to take care of me.

Let me try again...

I said it so many times before and I'm saying it again...

... I won't access work email when I'm not in the office
... I will say goodbye to all colored and flavored drinks... water, water, water for me!

Wish me well. Hope it works out, this time. My body's complaining.

Smoking to follow, whenever. I still have until December 2012.