And my laptop's wallpaper says...

Getting ready for my next big move. I know that this quote has been slaughtered many times by the smart ones out there but it gave me so much hope today. Thank you, Les Brown.

May the universe be on my side.

I think of you.

Whenever I go somewhere pretty, I think of you.

Needless to say, I think of the children too. Our children. The beautiful creatures who copied your eyes and your comforting, magic, smile.

When I'm in an organized space that smells of citrus and expensive fabric softener, I think of our smelly room and many years-old clutter. I think of the used and unused clothes making love on the floor and in all the tiny corners of our little home.

When I am covered in intelligent ambient lights, I think of how there are tangled cobwebs in ours. And how the electric fans are broken, and the cabinet doors are falling apart.

I think of you. And I am comforted by the fact that none of these beautiful, fragrant, temporary, things are real.

I think of you and I am home. It does not always smell or look pretty, but I made a choice and I was chosen.

I think of you. And I am home.

Fragile Little Things

...that happened since my last post.

Feb-17: Our 17th Boyfriend-Girlfriend Anniversary
Feb-17 to Feb-19: Anniversary Getaway --- Cancelled because...
Feb-18 to Feb-26: Atlanta Business Trip
Mar-04 to Mar-05: Tagaytay Trip - Despedida event for Josie
Mar-15 to Mar-15: Turned a year older
Mar-19 to Mar-21: Singapore Business Trip
Mar-18 to Mar-23: Anniversary Getaway in Singapore --- Cancelled because we're poor
Mar-19: Josie's flight to Bangkok

It's all bittersweet, with new experiences painted over different shades of sadness. I am blessed, I am happy, I am sad, I am counting my blessings. But truth be told, most days from the last post had me worrying that I may just die of overstimulation. I am exhausted from trying to stand still in the middle of this cruel vortex that I made for myself. But we are all tired and we're all in this together. That makes me feel good about myself and all these fragile little things.


I knew it. With faith, dragons can be real.

Meet my Clet

"Hi, my name is Anacleta. You can call me Clet. I am Sir_Ko's gift for YummyliciousLady and I am purple because I am not allowed to be any other color. I think YummyliciousLady likes me very much. And one of these days, people will say that YummyliciousLady plays with her Clet all the time."

That was my Facebook post and I wrote it right after I held Clet for the first time. Ang saya, saya, saya!  

Happy Birthday, Jeezaaaaaaas!

May your days be filled with love, hope and joy.

Thank you for your well wishes, support and prayers. Thank you for visiting my blog.

Please continue to pray for our little ones to always be happy, healthy and safe. And for our marriage to last all the tests of time... and the wrath of my raging hormones.

MuraKami

Hindi iyung author. Mura Kami. Nagmumurang kamias, kamatis at kung anu-ano pa.

Bilang nababasa, nakikita at naririnig ko kung paano maglandian ang mga kabataan ngayon, sinubukan kong mag-send ng selfie kay Sir_Ko. Nasa trabaho siya nito kaya sa Skype ako nag-message. Sabi ko hindi ako makatulog at mag-send din siya ng selfie sa akin.

Ang sagot.

"Hindi ako marunong gumamit ng webcam dito."

Hay. We are so old!

Poetry brought to you by global warming

Kahit sumuko ang ulap,
At maglaho ang langit
Basta nandiyan ka,
Dadaloy ako sa iyong walang pag-aalala.

Kahit saglit lang
Kahit sa isang kisap lang ng mata
Kahit walang pangakong makikita ka
Araw araw kitang tatagpuin

Para mapaso ako.

At maglaho para maging ulap,
para maging ulan,
para bumalik sa buhangin,

Mahawakan ka lang.
Madampian ka lang.
Makilala ka lang.
Makita ka lang.
Marinig ka lang.

Nauubos akong dumadami.

 

Lunes Na Naman

Image Source

Kada Lunes ay mataas ang expectations ko sa sarili ko on three recurring themes. Hindi na ako magyoyosi. Hindi na ako kakain ng pang-tatlong tao per day. Uuwi ako ng Honda (honda dot, 9 hours only). Kadalasan, nagtatagumpay ako hanggang Miyerkules tapos kapag Huwebes na, iniisip ko na sa Monday na lang ulit.

Nakakasawa na ang maging talunan. Buti pa ang kilikili ko medyo nakaahon na sa kahirapan. Hindi na siya laging kumakanta ng take me out of the dark my Lord, I don't wanna be there. Hindi pa rin siya perfect pero at least hindi na siya burak (share ko ang magic products soon). Samantalang ako, lugmok pa rin.

I want to be better than my kilikili. Sana this is the day and the week to prevail.

Gaano Katagal Ko Na Siyang Mahal

Actually, ito lang ang official count simula noong mag-boypren-gerlpren pa lang kami. May kulang isang taong harutan bago iyon, at kulang dalawang taon pa ng pakikipaghabulan sa pag-asa. Ay pag-ibig!

15 years. Teenager. Ano ba ang nangyayari sa akin noong ako ay 15 years old? Ah. Marami akong taghiyawat. Pangit na pangit ako sa sarili ko, gusto kong gupitin ang ulo ko sa lahat ng litrato. Saka parang lahat yata inaaway ko sa isip ko. Simbahan, eskuwelahan, mga tradisyon at pamahiin. Pero nagsisimula na akong magplano ng mga gagawin ko pa sa buhay ko kapag matanda na ako. Hindi ko pa naiisip ang mag-asawa, pero sigurado na ako sa gusto kong edad kung kailan ako magpapakasal at magkakaanak. Kakatapos ko lang din ng isang nakakatawang heartbreak. Nakakatawa na ngayon pero noon hindi. Nasabihan ba naman akong "it's not you, it's me." Naknampating. Kung hindi mo pala alam na gasgas na dahilan iyon, kahit paano masakit din. Doon ko rin nalaman na may kapangyarihan yata talaga ako manghula. Kasi nahagip na iyon ng radar ko kaya ako nagtanong ng sweet na sweet na "may dapat ba akong malaman?." Umamin agad si kulas. Hindi siya tunay na lalake by modern day standards. Hindi raw umaamin ang mga lalake, hindi pahuhuli ng buhay.

Teka, balik sa anong nangyayari sa 15. Hindi ko maalala kung may boobs na ako noon. Mababa ang body awareness ko. Bumawi na lang yata ako noong 17 at nagsisimula na magbasa ng feminist literature. My toes, my knees, my shoulder, my... asan nga ba iyong sinasabi na parte ng katawan na may piiinakamaraming nerve endings? 15. Wala pang first kiss. Ang linis linis linis ko pa!

So I guess, we are still ok at 15 years young. Kailangan lang kalamayin at kalmahin ang kalooban sa tuwing mag-aalala at mapapakanta ng kanta ni Jaya. "Wala na bang pag-ibig sa puso mo?" Base sa maiksi pang karera ng aking pagiging asawa (ito six years pa lang), natutunan ko na ang tunay na pag-ibig ay laging insecure. Pakiramdam mo laging kulang. Kulang pa, paano ko pa mapaparating na mahal ko siya? Ang tunay na pag-ibig ay praning. Paano kung iwan ako nito ni Sir_Ko bukas, next week o next decade? Praning at insecure pero that's ok kung hindi mo ginagawang emotional punching bag ang asawa mo (or sinusubukang hindi haha!). Tapos sinusubukan mo gawin lahat para tapalan lahat ng nakikita mong butas ng bangka. Matatakot ako kapag dumating ang araw na hindi na ako natatakot.

Kung makapag-post naman ako parang pang-silver anniversary. Eh bakit ba. Masama ba maglambing? Puwede pa naman ako sa PDA.

Huy. Kahit minsan ako'y nagtatampo at parang nagagalit sa iyo, solid 'yang bilang na yan. Maraming labis at hindi nagkukulang. Kahit isang segundo, kahit isang minuto, hindi tumitigil yung something something ko para sa iyo.

Puwede ba tayong magkita?

Puwede ba tayong magkita?
Kahit saan, basta hindi tayo magkasama na pupunta.
Hinahanap ko kasi ang kulo ng dugo.
Kapag nakikita kong papalapit ka na,
Talaga namang ang puso ko
Dumadagundong ang tibok.
Kung alam mo lang ang aking mga sikreto, tatawanan mo ako sigurado.

Mga tatlong minuto bago ang tagpuan,
Panay na ang kagat ko sa aking labi
Para magmukhang kissable ang aking lips.
Mga limang minuto bago ko dumating
Saka ko pa lang pinakakawalan ang aking nakapusod na buhok
Para maganda ang alon at hulma
Sakto sa iyong pagdating.

Puwede ba tayong magkita?
At hindi natin babanggitin ang kahit anong tungkol sa buhay mag-asawa?
Mga bayarin, mga lulutuin,
Mga bata, mga bakuna, ubo at sipon at
lagnat na pabalik-balik.
Hindi rin sasabihing magastos na tayo masyado sa bawat order ng pagkain.

Puwede ba tayong magkunwari
Na tayo'y hindi sa iisang bahay uuwi?
Nanakawan mo ako ng halik,
Pipilitin kong hindi gumanti.
Sisimplehan mo ako ng akbay at hawak sa baywang (kunwari rin maliit pa yan)
Pipigilan ko ang aking paghinga, aastang hindi ko napansin na tayo'y magkalingkis na pala, at magdarasal na sana huwag kang bumitiw.

Puwede ba?
Kahit isang araw lang at isang gabi.
Nakakapagod ang ngayon
Kahit minsan lang, kahit paminsan-minsan lang
Mamasyal tayo sa dati.
Doon sa panahong ang lahat ay walang kasiguraduhan.
Parang ngayon din, pero ikaw at ako lang.

Ang Maging Housemate

 This dad entered the Pinoy Big Brother house with his kid. The mom got free access to the home-studio too to ensure that the baby's needs are provided for.

If only for the same opportunity to be mine, sumali rin kaya ako sa PBB? Pero dapat dalawang anak ko kasama pati si Sir_Ko. At saka hindi one week lang. Mga isang taon. Me and Sir_Ko will still be working. Work from home the entire time. Bahay lang talaga magbabago. I'm thrilled.

Sure ako hindi ako mananalo. Hindi naman ako sociable na tao, hindi rin sasali sa mga emo moments hangga't maaari. Ako siguro ang magiging pinaka-KJ na housemate sa isang dekadang history ng PBB. Pero ang sigurado, ako ang pinakamasaya.

Paano ba sumali? Ayoko pumila sa audition e. At kung matanggap just by them reading this blog... paano ko kaya mapapapayag ang employer ko. Heeenggg.  Bomalabs. Maririnig at makikita ng world ang mga highly confidential na hawak naming data.

My Phone's Weekend Invasion

Weekend na. May mga maglalaro na naman ng telepono ko. Evidence?


Exhibit A. The Little One In YouTube


Exhibit B. Dad of The Little One in Chrome


I am not complaining. Not at all. I love weekends!

Fear Factor - Nakikiuso

Kung hindi ako marunong matakot:

1. Papasok ako sa trabaho na naka-tsinelas, t-shirt na butas at maong na kupas.
2. Kapag wala ako sa mood ay hindi rin ako magsusuklay at hindi magsusuot ng bra.
3. Uutang ako nang malaki sa bangko para makabili ng sariling franchise ng Jollibee at 711. Para hindi na namin kailangang magtrabaho at makatutok sa pag-aalaga ng mga anak.
4. Maga-artista ako sa teatro at saka susulat nang susulat.
5. Idedemanda ko ang INC. In perpetual violation of my right to love. Sabeh!?!
6. Mag-aaral ako magmaneho.
7. Sa probinsiya kami titira.
8. Magpapa-laser ako ng mata para makita niyong lahat na may tinatago akong ganda. Hindi niyo lang alam.
9. Hindi na ako kakain ng kanin, balat ng manok, malutong na balat ng baboy at taba ng lahat ng hayop na masarap sa sinigang. Habambuhay.
10. Maglulustay ako ng salapi sa yoga at swimming classes.
11. Magpapaka-sweet ako sa mga mahal ko araw-araw. Araw-araw.
12. Magtatayo ako ng tindahan na may karinderya sa tabi. Ako ang cook, ako ang tindera, ako ang tagahugas ng pinggan habang nag-aalaga ng mga anak.
13. Mamamasada ako ng sasakyan para sa Grab at Uber. Pero EOP sa kotse ko para di ko makalimutan mag-English. Mainam na self defense ang english. Use wisely.
14. Mamahalin ko ang asawa ko na walang hinihintay na kapalit. Ang hirap nun sa totoo lang.
15. Hindi ko sasagutin ang tanong na ito dahil wala akong maisasagot. Pilosopo is the new black.

Isang paragraph lang ito sa libro ng aking mga kinatatakutan. FYI. Nakikiuso lang.

Rebel Heart In Manila

If your husband ever asks you to come see an Aerosmith concert with him, keep him company even if you only know two of their songs. If he gets into a trance state while watching his idols from his teenage years, it is not the time to hurt and wonder why and how he did not hold your hand the entire time. Because, it is all worth it. IT IS GOING TO BE WORTH IT. He will remember that you were a good girl when Madonna comes to town. And when you give up and accept that it's ok not to watch because the tickets are too expensive, he will remind you how you said that it will not matter if you have to sit on the floor for it is enough to share an enclosed space with your Goddess (sniffing molecular greatness) for a couple of hours. And he will buy the tickets. And he will watch it with you and your friends.

Oh and he will even remind you to do this, just to be sure that you are ready for the big day. I love him. I just love him. It gets "deeper and deeper, my love."

Working Mom Goals

2013 was the year when I finally accomplished this goal --- not work when I'm not in the office. I am very proud because this journey took a decade to accomplish. And now I'm ready for a fresh set of goals. In my mind, these will make me earn more mommy/wifey points.

1. Work for 9 hours per workday. No extended shifts.
2. Time my breaks - exactly one hour total per shift and follow the 2-hour gaps in between
3. An hour of quality time, every work day, for the kids
4. One email per day for the hubby (and not about errands)

I feel that these are manageable given that I'm no longer a manager. If that ever happens again... good luck to the goals. Pray for me. Please?

And the long weekend ends...

With Eggs Ben and a three-hour conversation about careers, lottery, poverty, kiddie parties and an optimistic view about our 40's. We're not in Baguio, Boracay or Palawan. But it's been great celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary through a coffee series. Beggars can't be choosy. And I tell you, these parent beggars are happy.

Jong & Jill's Wedding: #4 The Theme (1872)

Jong & Jill's Wedding: #1 A Little Introduction
Jong & Jill's Wedding: #2 The Invitation
Jong & Jill's Wedding: #3 The Church


1872, Ivory and Red. Filipiniana if you can't find anything 1872-ish... that got me really excited! I've always wanted to be able to wear something hardcore Filipiniana. So chance na ito... Kumarir kami ni hubby sa Divi! And that's the story behind these feelingero/feelingera pics.

BTW, why 1872? Read here...

Best In Costume Nominees with the Newlyweds

Jong & Jill's Wedding - #3 The Church

"Basilica de San Martin de Tours is a Minor Basilica in the town of Taal, Batangas in the Philippines. It is considered to be the largest church in the Philippines and in Asia, standing 96 metres (315 ft) long and 45 metres (148 ft) wide." - Wikipedia

Wala lang kaming masyadong pekatyurs kasi late kami dumating. Sorry naman. Malaki nga talaga ang simbahan, ang hirap kumuha ng pekatyur kahit powerful ang zoom functions ni Gyper.

from iglesiasdelasfilipinas.blogspot.com

Kule Peeps nagsimba! (Kuha ni Rem Zamora)

Feeling Pre-Nup

Dear Family and Frends,

I'm so sorry. We got married over the weekend. Hindi na kami nag-imbita dahil wala kaming pera. Sa party na lang tayo magkita-kita. Chareng! Here are our "Feeling-Pre-Nup" photos. Kuha lang sa bahay ang lahat ng ito (except for two photos). At dahil wala kaming tripod, thank you sa plantsahan (kabayo) at mga DVD case na pinagpatong-patong patong namin para merong kaming "photographer." Thank you rin kay Sir na pinagbigyan ang aking fantasy.

Pero sa totoo lang, ang tunay na thank you ay para sa bagong kasal (sa susunod na posts na ang paliwanag)! Mga feelingerong guests lang kami.

Pasweet.

Siya.

Ako

Nagsu-sumixteen.

Mga eksenang prom night?

Di maalis ang tingin. Yummy!

Ang sikip!

Kami ay puwede na ring ninong at ninang sa kasal in the very near future.

Thank you Divisoria for our outfit!

The one where I said: No, I don't want this anymore!

Y posted this in Facebook:

"Is it just me or did Zoren ruin weddings for the rest of us men folk? He set the bar way too high.. It's going to take a while before the women forget about this...So to the men - if you you have any plans of proposing any time soon... I suggest you postpone it until this whole thing blows over...To the women-please have short term memories... My two cents. =)"

I declared news blackout. I will not search videos and news articles about the event.

Then there were other posts and so many likes.

Then The Nanny told us about The Wedding too. Mr. Pragmatist's intense reaction was --- how was that possible? Don't you need to be together to sign marriage license application requirements?

I got curious. Curiosity killed the cat. Yup, got that loud and clear. From six feet under.

Even if the marriage license were printed on soiled toilet paper, I wouldn't care if it came this way... The authentic marriage contract from City Hall is for the government. The proposal and wedding ceremony's for the ladies raised by Walt Disney.



Look at her. Glowing with the purest, strongest form of bliss. She's blessed and I'm happy for her. Coincidentally, someone from work also got married over the weekend - a few months after she gave birth. Lovely story. And I'm also very excited about a special wedding in 2014... a dear friend is getting married after two kids.




















The hissing sound of the pressure cooker is telling me it's time to cook sinigang. It also yelled at me... to let go, in whichever, whatever or whenever way I want.  With very tender and overcooked grief (yes beef too), let it be known to all concerned that I don't want any surprise weddings nor proposals until the day I die. I don't need the real wedding ring I've been waiting for. I don't need the real make-up engagement ring. I don't need anything at all.

And that is real bliss.